Good evening, my fellow Comrades. It is with my greatest sorrow that I reveal to you today the most tragic news for our people this very decade. Our Great General, our supreme leader, the son of god, Kim Jong Il has died to day from exhaustion and lack of energy. Today is a black day in our history, almost as dark as the day the Imperialist American Dogs thwarted our efforts to unify our country only 57 years ago. This must come as a shock to every single one of you, so now we must give the great leader the mourning he deserves. Whoever cries the loudest will have their juche raised and be sent to live in Pyongyang. Go ahead. Mourn. And don’t forget to grab your free rice cakes afterwards, we all know you haven’t had rice in at least 10 years.
Hiding in a Wasps’ Nest